The Dapper Lad

Following up on our post from yesterday… this is why we hate cops: because they’re always taking your kids away from you when you pass out behind the wheel in a 7-11 parking lot.

They are going to be selling exactly the same iPhone tomorrow. I can almost guarantee that you have something better to do than to wait in line for an iPhone. If you don’t, please go examine your life. Can we get a “your meaningless lives” tag?

An old, drunk, Swede tried to escape from Denmark by rowing out. We don’t know if this is a triumph of the human spirit or a heads up to lock up our dinghy before getting loaded.

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We’ve got a story about giraffe helping an “undetermined number of llamas and potbellied swine” escape from a Dutch circus (which implies the existence of Dutch clowns and potentially Dutch carnies. The mind boggles and the recoils.)

We also have an article about an old chimp named Moe, who apparently has learned a new trick and escaped. It is your standard “monkeys are funny” type story until the 3rd to last paragraph.

Oh, we get it.  It’s cuz of Jesus.

http://www.orlandosentinel.com/sports/football/orl-sowens2608jun26,0,5364968.column

We just wanted an excuse to sing the song to ourselves:

I know I’m going to miss her, but a tomato ate my sister.

Seattle v. Dustbowl Billionaires begins today in a federal courthouse in downtown Seattle today. The trial will determine whether the Seattle Supersonics will play their home games here:

…or here:

R. Kelly has joined O.J. Simpson as the only black men who have ever caught a break from the U.S. legal system.

That makes it U.S Legal System ∞, Repressed Minority Group 2.

Don’t call it a comeback.

Thank God Almighty! R. Kelly is free at last!

In depth coverage from Slate.