The Dapper Lad

You may have heard that the Pacific Northwest (a region of the United States) is home to a new collection of people pretending to be European.  Well, yesterday we found out that they will also be wearing clothes (is that a mock turtleneck? HOT).   And just to make things even better, they’re sponsored by VIDEO GAMES!!  

As someone who doesn’t care for soccer, clothes (ooh la la) or video games, this news wasn’t such a big deal.  We did, however, find it weird that the sponsorship wasn’t just Microsoft, but rather a specific product of theirs.  I looked into it further, and found out that all of the corporate sponsors in the running were also looking to promote a product .  Lucky for you, we were able to obtain the list of other Northwest-rooted companies who were in the running to promote their products on the shirts of men hiding chafed nipples: 

• Starbucks 16oz Mocha Chip Frappacino (no whip)
• Amazon.com: Pre-Order The New Indiana Jones DVD!
• Rick’s Discount “Shower Show” Night
• Wamu’s Free Business Checking
• Boeing 787 Dreamliner
• Ride the Duck’s ”Whacky Quackers” Blowout Sale (while supplies last)
• REI Therm-a-Rest LuxuryCamp Sleeping Pad - large (item 734466)
• LOLCATS.COM - Pic of the Day!
• Evening Magazine’s ‘15th Annual Best of Western Washington‘ poll
• KOMO 4 News - Weather!

I think the Sounders FC made a decent-to-fine choice. 

Is it odd to have an earthquake drill on Earth Day? We just had one at work. Just seems weird to practice what to do if the Earth hates you and wants to crush you under 25 stories of concrete on a day when we’re celebrating THAT SAME EARTH being all clean and tranquil and shit. But, like they always say, “cleanliness is next to Godliness…and God wants to crush you. Yes, YOU”

(also, if you google image search “earthquake drill“, you will only find asian children)

As the Internet’s resident Expert, The Dapper Lad would like to share the gift of knowledge on this 75^th Earth Day, in honor of April 22^nd. We know the tips below are pretty obvious, but we’ve found that the only way to get you people to learn is to either beat it into you….or lists. We’ve chosen lists.

-Change your lightbulbs to higher wattage bulbs, and leave them on all day. the quicker you burn those out, the quicker you can switch to the fancy curly-fry-lookin’ bulbs! Use ‘em or lose ‘em!

-Drive faster. Exhaust that shoots out the back of your car quickly tends to be disoriented, and has a harder time finding it’s way up into the atmosphere. It’s like falling off a surfboard due to a big wave. You can’t argue with logic, people.

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