The Dapper Lad

Finally, all of dswidler’s prayers have been answered:

Hypercolor is back, baby!

This is gonna be so awesome, all of the 90’s trends are gonna be cool again!  Now, where did we put our Fresh Prince of Bel Air jacket?

Thanks for the memories Gary, Shawn, Detlef, Hersey, Rashard, Big Smooth, Calabro, Nate, X Man, all the horrible Centers we drafted, Squatch, The Sonics Dance Team, and yes, even you Vin Baker, we’ll miss you least of all.

“The saddest thing is that when people watch the movie Singles 10 years from now, no one will understand what the “Steve, don’t come yet.” scene is all about… What normal people really care about doesn’t matter anymore.  It’s just rich people having pissing contests.  And you can quote me on that.”

- David Matthew Swidler

WANTED

We’re wondering if by any chance there are two way different versions of this film being shown to audiences around the country right now, because all of the reviews of it are split right down the middle.  Some people love it, some hate it.  Here at The Lad, we do things a little differently.  We’re going to play it coy.

We may have liked this movie.

It starts out a little like The Matrix, only Morgan Freeman is playing the role of Morpheus, and once things really get rolling, the action scenes and stunts are right on par with Keanu’s blockbuster.  Sprinkle in a little Angelina Jolie (looking damn good for a mother of 12), a heaping teaspoon of bullet bending, and add some James Mcavoy to taste, and you’ve got yourself a surprisingly solid batch of summer action movie cupcakes. It’s not going to change any lives or win any Oscars, but it definitely delivers the goods when it counts.

GRADE:  B

Next up,

WALL*E

Now this movie we liked.  Tremendously.  In fact, we’ll save you the suspense and tell you now that we give it an A.  You really shouldn’t know too much going in, so here’s a quick rundown.  It’s set in the distant future.  Wall*E is a trash collector with a cockroach for a pet.  There are hardly any spoken lines at all.  And it is a genuinely enjoyable time at the movies.  We don’t like throwing around phrases like “Instant Classic” any more than we like throwing around phrases like “Aren’t Those My Sister’s Panties In Your Glovebox?”, but we’re afraid we’re going to have to join the raving masses on this one, Wall*E is the real deal.  Go.

GRADE: A

For Emma, Forever Ago.

Can we just take a moment here to talk about music without sounding like complete jerks?  We know that you’re busy, we know you’ve got a lot of stuff on your hands these days, and we know that you may not have the time, energy, or inclination to actively seek out new and fresh sounds to play from the speakers in your car, computer, or home.  We know this.  But this is what you have us for.

This is the first time we have recommended music here on The Dapper Lad and we’d like for you to know that our recommendation does not come lightly.  So, here goes.

This album is worth your time.  It was recorded by one man using ancient recording equipment in an old creaking hunting cabin, deep in snow-covered Wisconsin during the dead of winter.  It has a sound which goes as perfect with your coffee in the morning as it does with the last couple beers at the end of the night. It’s soulful, profound, heartfelt, and deeply significant.  Go get it.

To say anymore would simply delay your purchase and subsequent enjoyment of this masterpiece, and we wouldn’t dream of doing that.  It is available for download on Itunes, and if you don’t want to risk the 10 bucks based simply on what we tell you, that’s fine (coward), just do yourself a favor and download “Skinny Love”, and then you’ll see what we mean.

You are welcome.

“The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, “You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.”’

“Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man…living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money.”

“So I say, “Live and let live.” That’s my motto. “Live and let live.” Anyone who can’t go along with that, take him outside and shoot the motherfucker. It’s a simple philosophy, but it’s always worked in our family.”

Rest In Peace, George Carlin.  You were a giant.

Now please, for the love of God, PUT A SHIRT ON.