The Dapper Lad

Wanna have some fun?

First read this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deductive_reasoning

Then watch this: http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/07/16/911.billboard/#cnnSTCVideo

This is what 3 hours at dinner with some of our relatives is like.

Oh, we get it.  It’s cuz of Jesus.

http://www.orlandosentinel.com/sports/football/orl-sowens2608jun26,0,5364968.column

50 Greatest Comedy Sketches

We know that a few of you out there are staunch atheists like . . . me, so you might find this entertaining.

Once again the Catholic chuch has taken the first step to minimize the damage that continues to be done do it’s core doctrine by rational, sane, academic discovery.

My favorite quote, and you must admit, this is quite gracious on the part of the church, “And some aliens could even be free from original sin, he speculates.”

What a great and loving God!  Give me a break. . .

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/7399661.stm

We were sick last week; REALLY sick. So sick, in fact, that we called in sick from work for 3 straight days. We haven’t been that sick since the summer of ‘98 when Dave Matthews played 3 straight shows at the Gorge . . . and we were “sick” for all of them.

We digress. Being sick gives us time to catch up on all the cool things that work and life steal away from us in small increments until we die sad and lonely in a trailer bought with our 401K scratch. Oooh, a butterfly! One of the things we rediscovered during our sickness was the sheer joy that accompanies hour upon hour of mind numbing video gaming.

We poured ourselves out of bed at 11am and somehow made it to Fred Meyer on Aurora to purchase the latest installment of the Grand Theft Auto series. Then, we took it for a test drive. A 3 day test drive. Overall, the game is great. We tend to be the type of person that takes the high road in video games, you know, like choosing the “light side” path in “Star Wars Jedi Knight” and naming ourselves “The Righteous Judgmentor” at parties. But to fully enjoy Grand Theft Auto 4, you have to become comfortable with your darker tendencies.

“I know it’s noon, but I’m just in the mood for a blow job from a male crack addict.” Things like that. Once you can embrace that sort of thing, you’re well on your way.

Shooting people for no reason is fun, especially if they’re a hooker and they just provided you a “service” and you’re only killing them to get your money back. Carjacking is fun, especially when you ditch the car 100 yards down the road, wait for the “jackee” to catch up, get in his car, and then jack him again. The stunt jumps have no grounding in physics whatsoever, cars magically stay perfectly horizontal even at distances in excess of 500 feet.

Our favorite part, and probably the most unnoticed, is simply driving around town and listening to the fake radio stations, complete with fake commercials. The fake commercials are the best, because you get to hear credit card commercials where someone says,

“I got yoga bills like a mother fucker.”

Or, the male enhancement pill ad where a cocky new prescribee boasts, “It’s time to do a little something like exercise I call fucking like a bandit.”

Our main critique of the game is that once you’ve done everything, you’ve pretty much done everything. In game, as in life, you can only kill so many cops before it loses it’s appeal. You can only buy so many guns before you start to realize the logistical nightmare of staying fully stocked on ammunition. You can only go on so many killing rampages before you start to think none of it really matters, because at the end of the day, you’re still going to have to drive all the way across town to your tiny little safehouse, park your favorite car out front, climb the stairs to the shit hole you call a home, and watch the animation where you lay down on the bed and “save the game?”.