The Dapper Lad

Following up on our post from yesterday… this is why we hate cops: because they’re always taking your kids away from you when you pass out behind the wheel in a 7-11 parking lot.

We’ve lived in California for… oh… about 6 years now. We just got our first speeding ticket. And to be honest, we’re pretty pissed about it.

Don’t get us wrong — we were speeding. We fully admit that. Hell, we speed everywhere we go in California. In fact, we pretty much drive 85-90 MPH anytime we get on the freeways, traffic permitting. We dart in and out of lanes like we’re on the Indy Motor Speedway. Yeah, that’s right. We’re that asshole. But hey, that’s how you drive here in California.

Rather, what we’re pissed about is the fact that the speeding ticket was for a paltry 78 MPH in a 65 zone. WTF?! Seriously. That’s like Al Capone getting nicked on tax evasion. C’mon. If we’re going to get a ticket,make it worth our while. None of this ticky tacky 78 BS.

But, we can’t complain. As we see it (in a morbid way), getting a speeding ticket is like getting cancer. When it’s your time… it’s your time. It’s a frickin crapshoot. For 6 years we’ve driven everywhere at 85-90. It was just our turn to get caught. We like to think of our speeding ticket as paying $160 for the privilege to drive as fast as we wanted for the past 6 years. That works out pretty well we think.

Besides, here in Cali, you get to go to traffic school if you haven’t had an infraction in the last 18 months– and that keeps it off of your driver’s record.

The weird thing about the whole transaction was how business like it was. We got pulled over by a motorcycle cop. And for those of you who don’t know — motorcycle cops are like meter maids for highways. Forget all that CHiPs stuff. A real highway motorcycle cop’s sole purpose is to hand out speeding tickets.

Our transaction didn’t have any of that, “Do you know how fast you were going,” sort of banter. It was very cold and mechanical. Hell, that motorcycle cop might as well have been a robot handing out cheeseburgers. That’s how impersonal it felt.

Our brother the police officer noted that if you get pulled over by a city cop in a patrol car… unless you were driving like an ass, or acting like an ass when he comes to the window… you can talk your way out of those kinds of incidents. Not so with motorcycle cops. But the officer in a patrol car doesn’t want to deal with paperwork and tickets and showing up in court, and all that hassle.

Our cop brother suggested, “When people tell me, ‘Hey, I know I was speeding, you caught me, I fucked up,” then he’s more likely to let it slide with a warning. But the people who try to protest or say, “Everyone else was speeding–” his retort is, “But I didn’t catch them, I caught you.” Goes back to our concept of — hey, nothing personal. Everyone speeds. We all know it. Sometimes the roulette ball falls in your favor, and sometimes it doesn’t.

This time, we landed on 00.

We’re watching TV in our hotel room… (a BEST Western, by the way)… and this was the tag we just witnessed in Dixie’s latest commercial:

“I’m proud to use Dixie paper plates if it means fewer dishes and spending more time with my family.”

Translation: I’m all for saving the Earth… unless more work is involved.

Suck it, Al Gore.

Jacksonville Jaugars "possession" receiver Matt Jones

What is it about the NFL that gives them an abnormally high incidence of drug possession and alcohol-influenced driving charges? It’s almost as if throwing a wheelbarrow of money at a guy in his early 20s, and then giving him 6 months a year to do nothing, leads to trouble. Weird.

At least this one won’t impact too many fantasy drafts. THANK GOODNESS. This time around it was Jacksonville Jaguars “possession receiver” Matt Jones. (Damn, that was clever.)

You feel bad for the guy who is 3rd on the depth chart at his position to get caught with cocaine. I mean, cocaine is the drug of a star player. Maybe even a second tier guy on a team deep in talent at WR. But certainly not of a guy who only comes in on third downs and long yardage situations.

Oh wait! We forgot. Matt Jones is white. That explains it. We need to amend our previous statement: cocaine is the drug of star players, and white players.

Here at the ‘Lad, we’re not afraid to make the jokes others are too afraid to make.

Ahem, here goes…

Someone should bomb Oklahoma City.

GOODNIGHT!

Some of us here at The ‘Lad fly. A lot. In the timespan of one week, we have trips to Oakland, Denver, San Francisco, and Hawaii. So…yeah.

Today, for example, we had to fly to Oakland for a series of meetings. Not knowing when the meetings will end, it’s always safest to schedule oneself home on the latest flight. Unfortunately, today we were done by 3pm, so we have to kill 4 hours at the airport.

When that happens, we like to go on random walks of the airport. Leisurely strolls, aimlessly walking to check things out. Walking around the shops at an airport is like visiting a really boring Las Vegas.

Today, while strolling, we started taking note of random observations. Now we share that boredom with you:

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For those of you looking to kill some time, you could do a lot worse than spend 5-10 minutes reading the latest issue of The Plug.

For all you kiddies out there, we want to keep your brains active during those summer vacation doldrums. So try your hand at Cube Craft. (It beats doing that math workbook your school teacher aunt bought you as a birthday “present.”)

From a CNN article, “A majority of Americans think the current economic climate is bleak, but the outlook for a year from now is much better, according to a CNN/Opinion Research Poll. The poll shows that 78 percent of respondents believe the economy is poor or very poor. CNNMoney.com reports 19 percent think the economy is somewhat good and 3 percent say it is very good.”