Archive for May 21, 2008

Yes, he went to the hospital with head injuries

Posted in News with tags , , on May 21, 2008 by Manchild

Seems penises have made a splash (pun intended) in the news this week. First, we told you about the RC flying penis. Here’s a new story about a man having sex with a penis pump while driving. Although we believe he was wearing his seat belt… does that count as safe sex?

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Skeletons out of the closet and onto the web

Posted in Our Meaningless Lives on May 21, 2008 by Manchild

Looking to kill some time? Of course you are. Your job is boring, and if you sat down and worked non stop, you could do everything you need to within 2 hours. The hard part is stretching those 2 into 8.

Well, if that big secret of how little you work is weighing you down, we suggest you send a post card to PostSecret and get it off your chest. People write down their dirty little secrets on postcards, letters, and anything else that can be mailed, and send it into this blog. We’re going to submit one that says, “We’re secretly mad that somebody else came up with such a clever blog.”

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Star’s Explosive Death Witnessed

Posted in Our Meaningless Lives with tags , on May 21, 2008 by Bill Arkansaw

There was a link on SFGate labeled: “Star’s Explosive Death Witnessed.” We were almost giddy with excitement when we clicked it. Our prayers had been answered; someone had video of Tom Cruise bursting into flames. You can only imagine our disappointment when we found ourselves at this article.

Stupid science, always getting in the way of our dead celebrity news. At least we won’t have to worry about it doing the same with Teddy Kennedy.

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High Flouting New Yorker Comedy

Posted in Our Meaningless Lives with tags , , on May 21, 2008 by Bill Arkansaw

If you are in a meeting pretending to pay attention, this link is for you.

If this line doesn’t convince you to click the link, then we seriously recommend that you reflect on the ruin that you’ve made of your life:

“The OFF-SITE is a born provocateur. She blends the dirty fun of a PowerPoint presentation with the raw danger of a Kaffeeklatsch. One minute she’s showing you charts and graphs, then up pops a “Far Side” cartoon. It’s high-stakes poker, and everything’s wild.”

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Inflation Hits One Million Percent!

Posted in Uncategorized on May 21, 2008 by Bill Arkansaw

This article about inflation in Zimbabwe would be hilarious if we didn’t feel like such bastards for laughing at it. Lowlights include:

  • Annual inflation hit 1,063,572%.  Precise figures on huge, likely semi-made up numbers are always comical.
  • A bag of coffee beans costs ~1,000,000,000 Zimbabwe dollars, a figure that makes Starbucks sound affordable.
  • It costs 100,000,000 Zimbabwe dollars to go swimming in downtown Harare.
  • The guy who is in a runoff with the current “president” has left the country, and he has a good chance of winning.  If only Hillary were half as civil. . .
  • The official government inflation rate hasn’t been calculated because there aren’t enough goods available for purchase to base the calculations on.
  • Manufacturing has come to a standstill because the workers can’t get to work because they can’t afford to take the bus to work.

If this was a movie and you got Mike Meyers to say “One hundred million dollars” it would be hilarious and spawn three or four sequels. But it isn’t a movie, it’s real life and thus sort of tragic.

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