The Dapper Lad

Hey, here’s a pickup line you may want to try out this Friday night at your local watering hole: “So, wanna go back to my place and reduce excitation levels in your dorsomedial prefrontal cortex?”

Okay, so maybe this article on the neuroscience behind orgasms wasn’t as titillating as we hoped it would be (no pictures, how-to manuals, or road maps to help us find the clitoris)… but for you “science of sex” geeks, it’s an interesting read.

Things we knew:

• Male desire was triggered easiest through tactile and visual stimuli. (i.e., looking at Playboy); female desire was triggered easiest when they felt safe and comfortable
• Females arouse straight men; males around gay men
• Gay women are not aroused by naked men exercising or masturbating
• The male brain sees ejaculation as a “most rewarding” behavior

Things we didn’t know:

• Women are turned on equally by male and female sexual acts, as well as by watching bonobos copulate
• Brain activity drops during female orgasm; at the moment of orgasm, women do not have any emotional feelings

Oh, and you didn’t hear this from us– but consider buying stock in Palatin Technologies. They’re developing a pill that can regulate chemicals in the brain much the way natural stimulation does. (Think “little blue pill but for women.”)

We know it because this guy told us:

“Jason Taylor is 6′8″ or something. It’s amazing that he can dance like that…You know who else is on that show? Kristi Yamaguchi.”

Hey it’s me John Edwards, how y’all doin’.

I know you’ve been calling me every day for the past three months asking if I would help you move. Well here I am.

What’s that, you finished everything last week? Wow, that was a hell of job; I mean you had all of those couches and solid oak desks. Golly, that’s impressive.

Well I can take those small shoe boxes out to the curb if you’d like.

Yes sir, there is nothing like helping someone out. Hey don’t forget this when you gotta name an Attorney General or something.