Tatupu’s police report, just like a Law & Order episode
Here is the (PDF) link to the official Kirkland Police Report for Lofa Tatupu’s DUI arrest. Which surprisingly is quite a stimulating read. We think arresting officer Askdal may have a real future in crime scene novels, with descriptive passages such as:
“The ground was dry and the area was lit by overhead streetlights. The emergency equipment on my patrol vehicle was turned off. Tatupu was wearing a pair of Nike athletic shoes.”
John Grisham, eat your heart out. This report has everything:
Action: a brief car chase. (Well, not really a chase, but at least a detailed description of how Tatupu was driving and which lanes he switched into. Of note, Officer Askdal has an amazing memory, by the way.)
Comedy: Read the part about Tatupu attempting the field sobriety test. (By the way kids, this report also documents the exact test administered by the KPD. We suggest you practice the walking test everyday when sober, so the next time you get pulled over, drunk as a skunk, you can ace it.)
Real police adventure: Officer Askdal realizes he didn’t read the Miranda rights. So he pulls his car over and reads them.
Suspense: Read the nail-biting account of Tatupu failing his first two “blows” into the breathalyzer. Only after being threatened on the third attempt, does Tatupu finally complete the test. (By the way, should we be worried that our best middle linebacker isn’t strong enough to complete a breathalyzer test?)
Drama: Tatupu hangs up on the public defender and refuses to talk to him! Lovers’ spat? (Or, perhaps his conversation had ended and he was just too drunk to hang the phone back up. We prefer the former.)
Questionable Car choices: Why does a guy who just got a 40 million dollar contract drive a 2006 Hyundai? For the love of God. Personally, we think this is the most embarrassing element of all. Sure, a DUI is a blight on your record… BUT DRIVING A FREAKIN HYUNDAI? C’mon. Now we’ve really lost respect for Tatupu.
