The Dapper Lad

Texas teens accused of making bong from skull

Karl Malone impregnated 13-year-old girl.

The eeriest part about this story is that nobody really seems to be up in arms about it. Sort of, “Hey, here’s a co-inky-dink of a tale… you know that Buffalo Bills draft pick? Turns out… his mom was raped by Karl Malone! Small world!”

Maybe they should have made a statue of that outside the Delta Center.

We’ll let you figure out for yourself just how oh-so-clever that title is.

We’ve already established that Metacrawler’s unfiltered Metaspy reads like flow of conscious poetry written by a porn-addicted, schizophrenic hobo. What the previous post didn’t point out is that with a little bit of editing it could be haiku’s written by that same hobo:

.

almond allergy

matlock manitoba dump hour

sock outlet pa

.

or

.

red yeast rice

fallsview casino niagra falls

camel toe pictures

.

Girls like poetry being written for them. We know this because every Hugh Grant movie that we haven’t seen tells us so. With that said, getting anywhere with poetry like this is going to be an uphill battle, like the charge of the light brigade, the 3 minute mile, or using the line “I get so straight when I drink” and then actually getting laid. We might never pull it off, but they might make a movie about the attempt.

Next, we’re going to try to get the Metaspy to produce rhyming couplets. Iambic pentameter baby!