The Dapper Lad

Party at David Stern’s house!

Must be that dry English wit… Great tits find home in ashtray.

Finally, someone to give those “San Antonio Spurs, 2008 Western Conference Champions” t-shirts to.

http://improveverywhere.com/

Personal favorite missions of ours: Best Buy, Rob!, Abercrombie, Slo-Mo Home Depot, and hell, all of them.

Brilliant.

You may have heard that the Pacific Northwest (a region of the United States) is home to a new collection of people pretending to be European.  Well, yesterday we found out that they will also be wearing clothes (is that a mock turtleneck? HOT).   And just to make things even better, they’re sponsored by VIDEO GAMES!!  

As someone who doesn’t care for soccer, clothes (ooh la la) or video games, this news wasn’t such a big deal.  We did, however, find it weird that the sponsorship wasn’t just Microsoft, but rather a specific product of theirs.  I looked into it further, and found out that all of the corporate sponsors in the running were also looking to promote a product .  Lucky for you, we were able to obtain the list of other Northwest-rooted companies who were in the running to promote their products on the shirts of men hiding chafed nipples: 

• Starbucks 16oz Mocha Chip Frappacino (no whip)
• Amazon.com: Pre-Order The New Indiana Jones DVD!
• Rick’s Discount “Shower Show” Night
• Wamu’s Free Business Checking
• Boeing 787 Dreamliner
• Ride the Duck’s ”Whacky Quackers” Blowout Sale (while supplies last)
• REI Therm-a-Rest LuxuryCamp Sleeping Pad - large (item 734466)
• LOLCATS.COM - Pic of the Day!
• Evening Magazine’s ‘15th Annual Best of Western Washington‘ poll
• KOMO 4 News - Weather!

I think the Sounders FC made a decent-to-fine choice. 

We think in this one instance, foresight is 20/20.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/TECH/science/05/29/monkey.robots/index.html

Scientist: “Good job, Bobo! You fed yourself a marshmallow! Who’s a good boy? WHO’S A GOOD BOY? Now watch some more Project X while Mommy… Wow! GOOD BOY! You made the robot arm grab my labcoat! Oh. No, Bobo. NO. That hurts Mommy. Make the robot stop, Bobo! OH MY GOD MY EAR! BOBO, NO! BOBO!!!!” (Sudden silence followed by the sound of Scientist being beaten to death by their own windpipe. Bobo smiles.)

We’ll be honest, here at The Lad we have many pastimes that we enjoy, but none that we find more deeply satisfying than sitting down and doing some good old fashioned judging. Restaurants, movies, races of people, we judge it all, and relish the opportunity.  What’s more, it’s even better when we get to not only judge something, but then actually decide it’s fate as well.  And if there’s one thing that goes hand in hand with deciding someone’s fate on a whim, it’s the Seattle International Film Festival. Seriously, they’re like peanut butter and chocolate.

So click this link, watch a few movies, and enjoy the raw unadulterated power that comes with your vote.

http://myfestival.indieflix.com/

Note:  While judging, tenting your fingers and laughing maniacally are recommended, but optional.  We certainly enjoy them, but you be the judge.

The Dapper Lad has been averaging around 200 pages a day for a little while, most of it coming from a baseline of internet searches for “Emma Watson’s Pussy” (it has apparently gone missing and a lot of people are volunteering their time to search for it.) However, something weird happened today: we got 720 views! Now we realize that 720 page views isn’t a lot in the big scheme of things, but it is 260% more pages views than we have ever gotten before and oddly it is from a somewhat unusual source: Scarlett Johansson searches (444 of them ended up here.)

A couple of weeks ago we had a post about how Ms. Johansson is now engaged to a guy who had been engaged to Alanis Morissette. She also just released an album of Tom Waits covers (which combines two of our favorite things, sort of like crack and puppies) so it is understandable that there is a fair amount of attention being paid to her and it is also understandable that some poor souls stumble onto the Dapper Lad.

The really interesting thing is that all the traffic is being generated by one search term “Scarlett Johansson.” As was previously pointed out, there is a wide range of (much pervier) searches that bring Emma Watson pervs to The Dapper Lad. This difference raises some important questions: Are Emma Watson pervs more pervy than Scarlett Johansson pervs and if so, why?

Update:  Things have reverted to the mean.  We’ve gotten all of 175 hits so far today (55 from the Scarlett Johansson people.)  If you were worried that our hip little corner of the interwebs were going to get discovered, you can relax now.

We’ve always held a particularly black spot in our cold shriveled hearts for Detroit first baseman Carlos Guillen. This derives from the days of yore when the Mariner’s weren’t the worst team in baseball and he was their young SS/3B. Back then we were bright eyed under graduates in the Northwest (Missionaries! Missionaries! We’re on top!) and the only televised baseball were the Mariners and their homer announcers who insisted on calling him a five-tool player.

The five-tools in baseball are the ability to hit for average, the ability to hit for power, speed on the bases/in the field, a strong arm and the ability to field well. By any definition, in 2001 when he got this mantle he wasn’t (.259 batting average, 5 home runs, 4 stolen bases, .911 fielding percentage.) It wasn’t his fault that the Mariner’s announcers are were idiots, but Carlos and his five tools became the joke (sort of like the current “Richie Sexson is a dynamic baseball machine” joke that is so popular with the kids these days.)

Regardless, this is all background to part of why we find Carlos Guillen’s current situation so amusing: he’s DHing because his hemorrhoids hurt too much to play 3rd base. We can only hope he either goes on the DL or develops the legendary 6th tool: ability to play with hemorrhoids.