Seated at the third barstool from the front door of Jake’s Saloon, local carpenter and alcoholic Terrence Phinney has determined exactly what your problem is, and will have no problem sharing his discovery with you, just as soon as he returns from the men’s room, where he is presumably vomiting the Peach Schnapps that he dared you to drink earlier, and upon your refusal, imbibed himself in an ill conceived show of bravado.
Archive for April, 2008
Drunk Guy In Local Bar Knows What Your Problem Is, Will Tell You
Posted in Miscellaneous with tags Satire on April 28, 2008 by rydoDaddy, I want Burqa Barbie
Posted in News with tags Iran, Islam, Toys, Western Influence on April 28, 2008 by Manchild
Iranian official warns against importing Barbie dollsMonday morning caffeine
Posted in News with tags Austria, Weird on April 28, 2008 by ManchildWho needs coffee to wake up when you’ve got this creepy, sobering story out of Austria:
Police: Dad confesses to holding daughter captive 24 years
It ain’t Germany, but it’s close enough.
Shaun Alexander, The Emerald Rose
Posted in Sports with tags NFL, Shaun Alexander, Seattle Seahawks on April 27, 2008 by ManchildGeez– just how far will Elton John go to make a buck?
The Wisdom of Gary Shandling
Posted in Our Meaningless Lives with tags Gary Shandling, Gas, Quotes on April 27, 2008 by rydo
“How high do gas prices have to get, according to the bible, for it technically to be the end of the world?”
- April 25th, 2008
Wrestling Announcer Cannot Believe What He Just Witnessed
Posted in Sports with tags Wrestling on April 27, 2008 by Manchild
(Associated Press) Memphis, TN – Mid South Wrestling Alliance announcer, Verne Roy Granger, cannot believe what he just witnessed. “I…just…simply…cannot believe this… this is incredible,” Granger was overheard exclaiming. “Never before have I seen such an outrageous display of cowardice,” he commented, moments after wrestler Ricky Rice smashed a folding-chair into the back of officiating referee Hal Keith.
Granger, a ringside veteran for over thirty years, was rendered “totally and utterly speechless,” before going on to add, “I have been in this business an awfully long time, and this is without-a-doubt the most despicable act this announcer has ever witnessed.”
Favorite Technologies II
Posted in Our Meaningless Lives with tags Technology on April 26, 2008 by Manchild
Awhile back we listed our favorite technologies. We’d like to take a moment and update that list. We’re going to forgo the obvious categories like “computers” and “combustible engines,” whose impact on mankind cannot be questioned. Rather, we’re only considering technologies with very specific application, in support of our indolent lifestyle. In no particular order, here are technologies we could not do without as of this week:
- HDTV
- Tivo
- Yellow first down line in football
- Online porn
- Microwave food
- NFL Sunday Ticket
- Select-a-size paper towels
- Online gaming
- Txt messaging
- GPS devices
EA Sports Dooms Hattiesburg, Mississippi
Posted in Sports with tags NFL, favre, madden curse, mississippi, Video Games on April 26, 2008 by Hamburglar
Good work, EA, you’ve doomed the town of Hattiesburg, Mississippi to a horror to be determined. It was all fine and good to curse NFL players to injury, jail time, etc. Now you’ve chosen a guy who’s out of the league to jinx by putting Brett Favre on the cover of Madden 09.
How many innocents will be caught when Brett is hit by the curse when shopping for groceries, or having some beers at a watering hole in Hattiesburg?
Whatever the toll, it’s on you and your awesome video game.
We All Love 80’s Movies, But Have You Seen Them Lately?
Posted in Movies, The "Arts" on April 25, 2008 by rydoSure, there will always be a soft spot in our hearts for the classics like Goonies, The Breakfast Club, and Red Dawn, but how do these movies hold up to the passage of time? Please feel free to comment on how your favorite 80’s movie would fare if it were released today. For our money, it doesn’t get any better than Real Genius, despite the 7 different music montages.
Obama’s Fitch Boys FOUND ALIVE!
Posted in 2008 Election on April 24, 2008 by dswidlerApparently we aren’t the only ones capable of scanning crowds to find attractive young men dressed in Abercrombie and Fitch clothing.
The New York Times had a blurb about these guys on their political blog.
Some in the media even tracked them down, and they are “somewhat shocked at the media response.” Really, they are shocked that the media would care that three people standing next to each other were wearing the same brand of t-shirts. Boy, the Midwest just doesn’t get it.
Also, this is how you can tell that no ones takes the Election that seriously. You wouldn’t see these types of stories during a national tragedy.
“Now, an interview with the 9/11 Izod boys.”
dswidler
Hamburglar
rydo
Bill Arkansaw
IceyRomance
josebold
fatherphill
Manchild
karstencross
notadoctormike
paulstoutonghi
dramaten
mhigginson
hatmoney
marxiano
casej
lucasthayer
bjornlavrakas
marahelena