1998 Party Themed Wacky Mad Libs
Deadspin pointed out a lovely little article from the New York Post (it must be legitimate journalism) about an ongoing affair Roger Clemens had with some country singer that we’ve never heard of that started when she was fifteen (15!) While this explains why fundamentalist Mormons are such big Clemens fans, we feel that Deadspin missed the best part of the article: the happy adulterous couple going to a party that involved cigars with Michael Jordan and Monica Lewinsky!
This thing reads like something that would result from a Wacky Mad Lip published and filled out in 1998:
OK, first we need “a jock who is a total dick who everyone will hate in a decade.”
How about Bonds?
Oooh, that’s good but I think I’ve got one better: Clemens.
Yeah, yeah,yeah that’s perfect. What’s next?
Next we need “an age that is below the age on consent.”
Does it say where? I think the rules are different in Utah.
It doesn’t say. How old was Lolita?
12.
That’s a little pervy, how about 17?
She was 17, going on 35. Let’s split the difference.
15? Sold American.
OK, now we need “someone who became more famous because of a sex scandal.”
Has Paris Hilton been invented yet?
No, she’s only 17 at this point. Her video won’t hit the interwebs until 2003.
How do you know all this? It is only 1998.
I have my sources. How about Heidi Fleiss?
Heidi Fleiss is sort of old news, how about Catholic priests?
I don’t know. We already have 15 year olds in this thing. That’s a path that I think might not end up being that wacky. What about Clinton?
Clinton is a lame duck with two years left in his administration, let’s just use Lewinsky.
OK, Lewinsky it is. Next.
“The MVP of the NBA Finals”
That would be Michael Jordan.
Now they want a career path that can make a girl famous before she’s an adult.
Child actress? Tennis player? Gymnast? Model?
How about country singer?
Whatever.
OK, last one. We need a party accoutrement.
Nice. How about togas?
Let’s think about who might be at this party: Jordan, Clemens, a country singer, and 15 year old and Lewinsky.
It isn’t a Lewinsky party if it doesn’t involve a cigar.
“Cigars” it is.
OK, let’s see what we ended up with:
Roger Clemens and his 15 year old country-singer girlfriend partied with Michael Jordan, Monica Lewinsky, and cigars.
Oh man, that is so wacky! You can’t just make that up.
