The Earth Ain’t Gonna Wash Itself, People
As the Internet’s resident Expert, The Dapper Lad would like to share the gift of knowledge on this 75th Earth Day, in honor of April 22nd. We know the tips below are pretty obvious, but we’ve found that the only way to get you people to learn is to either beat it into you….or lists. We’ve chosen lists.
-Change your lightbulbs to higher wattage bulbs, and leave them on all day. the quicker you burn those out, the quicker you can switch to the fancy curly-fry-lookin’ bulbs! Use ‘em or lose ‘em!
-Drive faster. Exhaust that shoots out the back of your car quickly tends to be disoriented, and has a harder time finding it’s way up into the atmosphere. It’s like falling off a surfboard due to a big wave. You can’t argue with logic, people.
-If you can, walk – don’t drive – your garbage down to the river.
-Bring your own ceramic coffee mug to work. In order to save water, be sure to throw it away after using it. These mugs are cheap, and recyclable! Burning through 3 or 4 a day fills up the recycling bin quicker, giving you a real sense of accomplishment!
-At the grocery store, be sure to bring your own (fabric) grocery bag. Then, when you check out, you can proudly say “plastic, please”, then use YOUR bag to steal even MORE plastic bags. These are great for making funny hats, filling with Styrofoam for make-shift punching bags, burning, and even pooping into (save flush water!). When done, they can easily be balled-up and thrown into the bushes outside your apartment building. Hey, if it’s not in a landfill, it’s not hurting the earth!
Please do not move onto the next tip until the previous one is complete. We’ve done our research and they just seem to work smarter this way.
You’re welcome.
